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Friday, March 15, 2019

Switiching My Blog

Hey everyone!

I’m moving my blog over to Wordpress at if you want to follow or find me šŸ’•šŸ’•

I love Blogspot but sometimes it’s hard to figure out things when not a lot of people use it.

Saturday, February 23, 2019

Switching WIPs

This week isn't a book post.

I've decided to focus and write about my writing. Which I hardly do, but now felt like a good time because this is a big step that I'm taking in my writing journey. It's something that I've never done before and I honestly feel like I'm giving up on this WIP by doing this, even though I know I'm not. I love this story to death.

So I've come to the decision to put aside my queer fantasy WIP that I was working on. I'll still be writing it, but on the side. It wont be the main WIP I'm working on. I love this story and I've finally figured out where I'm going with it and what the plot is and I enjoy writing it. It's just hard to force me to write it when I'm not feeling creative and my muse has abandoned me. Instead of slowly writing and watching my daunting list of story ideas grow larger, I've decided to continue to write it when the inspiration hits and focus on one of my other projects.

This new WIP I'm plotting right now means a bunch to me, especially since I figured out what I wanted to do with it. I've always been thinking about writing this story but I think I've always been too scared because it would force me to evaluate my gender identity and what it means to me and that was . . . yeah, not something I wanted to do because of personal reasons.

But now I'm ready to write this story and I know what I want to say. I want to write this character for the me that was, is, too scared to be themselves. I've already outlined the first three chapters and so far I'm loving this story.

This one isn't YA like my other WIPs I have, this one is new adult. Which is also a change, but I feel a good one as I'm going into that stage of my life and facing all those problems.

I'm super excited to start writing this story and share my queer nonbinary pal Darcy and their crisis with dating, money, and looking how they feel with the rest of the world. This is my child and I will protect them with my heart but at the same time, you know I have to let them suffer a bit (I know, I'm a horrible person.)

My goal is to put all my hopes and fears into here and send it out into the world hoping people find themselves in this story.

That . . . was really hard to write and admit and write for people to see.

Saturday, February 16, 2019

Happy Endings Vs. Non Happy Endings In Queer Books

I didn’t even know this was an argument that people stood behind one or the other. And yes, I am here to say that people actually do because I’ve seen people arguing over this and choosing sides on my main account.

And now I’m giving my opinion!

Both can exist simultaneously. They’re both valid. *shrug*

Some people like one more than the other or despise one side completely. Does it mean that side shouldn’t exist? No.

What I want is a variety of stories. Ones with happy endings and non happy endings. Why not have a variety for different preferences. Not every person is going to like the same things.

Happy endings are there to tell people that it can get better. Some people need to see that. As a queer person who struggles and has some fears about coming out to my dad, I definitely need to see happy endings in queer books, whatever that happy ending may be.

But do I also need to see non happy endings? Yes. Because they remind me that sometimes things don’t go as planned (and sometimes in a bad way.) that life isn’t going to go easy on me and that I need to prepare myself for some of the harsh realities of life. They’re like warnings sometimes, of things I shouldn’t do. Or reminders that not every experience is a decent one like mine. That some queer people have it worse than I do and that I should take a step back and remember that when I go to speak my mind.

I get that some people have had tough times and prefer happy endings or some people just really like unhappy endings because (and I’ve heard this before) they’re more realistic and not everyone runs off into the sunset on horseback. Everyone’s preferences are different and I respect that. Almost every reason for liking one over the other is a valid reason (Almost every. I've read some reasons that were just . . . yeah.)

We desperately need happy endings in queer books to show that our lives are not always tragic. We also need unhappy endings in books to show that yeah stuff does happen and it’s not all rainbows. 

So happy endings vs. non happy endings?


That’s my answer.

Which do you like better? Why (if you don’t mind me asking)?

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Reading With Anxiety and Depression

This is something I struggle with, anxiety and depression. 

Reading helps me cope with them. It lets me focus on something else and get out of my head. Lets me avoid my self and the problems around me, lets me avoid reality.

But just because it’s a way for me to cope with my anxiety and depression doesn’t mean it’s easy to do. I actually struggle a lot. I love reading but sometimes it’s hard to find the motivation to pick up a book or read long enough to where I’m focused on the story and not the thoughts in my brain and feelings I’m having.

Sometimes it’s because I’m extremely restless from my anxiety and other times it’s because I’m in such an unmotivated place because of my depression. It’s hard to start and concentrate to get to the point where reading is therapeutic to me in those times.

One of the things that sucks as well is that it’s hard to read books with anxiety and depression in them. If a book doesn’t delve too much into a person’s anxiety and my anxiety isn’t bad, I can easily read it with barely any repercussions. If the whole book is about the main character dealing with anxiety I can’t read it because it’s like facing my anxiety head on and amplifying it by 5.

But depression in books? I cannot read. If I read a book where the main character has depression I tend to start to spiral and it’s horrible because I haven’t quit figured out how to stop when that happens.

I still read books where characters have anxiety and/or depression despite this. Those books just take me a very long time to finish because I can only read little bits one week at a time.

And honestly I need those books. I need them because they validate what I’m feeling and what I go through constantly. Sometimes I have the thought that oh, maybe I’m just being over dramatic and I’m just anxious and maybe a bit sad. And than I see how other people talk about their depression and anxiety and what they go through and I read about the stories people write from their experiences and I’m validated that I’m not blowing things out of proportion and that this is real.

I still need them. I still need to read despite the struggle. It’s just a bit harder for me sometimes and I struggle to not send myself into a reading slump.

Wednesday, January 23, 2019

Top 5 Books I Read In 2018

This year I read a total of 25 books, which is great considering I've read maybe a handful of books total in the 3 years before 2018. Several of them I read for school and because they were educational books my step mom and dad bribed me to read. So because of that I will be making a list of my top 5 books I've read this year.

And yes, they're all queer reads. Surprise, surprise.

These are in order read, not based on favorites because I don't think I'd be able to decide which was better than the others.

Simon Vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli

This book means a lot to me.

Even talking about it, I know I still wont be able to convey how important this book was to me during this part of my life. I just love it so much because when I was having trouble with my sexuality, it was the first book with a queer main character I read and it was the voice I needed to hear and the story I need to read at that exact moment.

The voice and story that showed me it would be ok and that what I was going through wasn't just a 'me thing'. That other people deal with the same things.

Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee

This one is one of my favorites because it's queer, set back in time where women wore petticoats (which we should totally make a thing again.) , they're on a trip, it's a mess, the main character has had a tough life and a rough relationship with his parents, pirates, and the trio own my whole heart and I would die for each of them.

I didn't think I was going to like this book but I ended up loving it. It's now one of my top favorite books and I can't wait to reread it once I finish my never ending tbr :')

Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan

 A kickass f/f story about a girl trying to escape a demon king while also finding love? Check.

This story was hard to read at times but it was needed. You don't see stories that talk/deal with sexual assault like this one does and handles it so well.

Plus Natasha did such an amazing job crafting these characters, especially the character development. And she was fantastic at creating the world they live in and describing it so vividly without it feeling like she's feeding you too much information.

Heartstopper (the web comic) by Alice Oseman

 I discovered this little gay web comic over on Tapas and let me just say, I WISH I HAD FOUND IT SOONER. It's the most fluffiest cute shiz I have seen in a while with gay and bi main characters and I am all for it.

It's still on going and gets updated (I believe) every ten days.

The queer graphic novel I need in my life and I wish it would never end.

plus Alice Oseman's art is absolutely amazing and stunning. I love her style.

The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali by Sabina Khan

 Can I just say that this book broke my heart and ripped it to shreds and then mended it? Because it did.

I'm surprised at how quickly I finished it because it was definitely a tough read. This story with a lesbian main character trying to fight for her future and what she wants while also not wanting to hurt her family and wanting them to understand. It is like a punch to the gut. It put my soul through the wringer, but it was worth. It made me feel things I've never felt and I absolutely loved how raw and heavy the whole book is.

What were your top 5 reads of 2018?

Tuesday, January 22, 2019

The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali Review

Title: The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali
Author: Sabina Khan
Release Date: January 29, 2019
Age Range: 14 to 18
Genre: Fiction

Stars: 5/5


Seventeen-year-old Rukhsana Ali tries her hardest to live up to her conservative Muslim parents’ expectations, but lately she’s finding that harder and harder to do. She rolls her eyes instead of screaming when they blatantly favor her brother and she dresses conservatively at home, saving her crop tops and makeup for parties her parents don’t know about. Luckily, only a few more months stand between her carefully monitored life in Seattle and her new life at Caltech, where she can pursue her dream of becoming an engineer.

But when her parents catch her kissing her girlfriend Ariana, all of Rukhsana’s plans fall apart. Her parents are devastated; being gay may as well be a death sentence in the Bengali community. They immediately whisk Rukhsana off to Bangladesh, where she is thrown headfirst into a world of arranged marriages and tradition. Only through reading her grandmother’s old diary is Rukhsana able to gain some much needed perspective.

Rukhsana realizes she must find the courage to fight for her love, but can she do so without losing everyone and everything in her life?


This book tore out my heart, stomped on it until it was flat, took it to a repair shop and had it fixed. It ruined me. I cried (lets be real, silently sobbed)  reading this book. I haven’t cried reading a book in a while. It touched me and it showed me a new experiance that some people have to go through, not only as a queer person, but also as a person of color. 

There are TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNINGS for homophobia, violence, death, and rape.

I haven't had a book that made me feel this strongly in ages. I'm almost at a loss for words. But in like a good way. It's a good thing, definitely a good thing. It means the book did it's job.

Anyone wanting to read this, I will say that this book is super heavy and I'm still amazed that I was able to read it and read it quickly.

Sabina wrote this story so well and it's left me speechless. I didn't want to pick up any other book after this one because I was afraid they wouldn't live up to The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali. I was afraid to move on from this book because it means so much and it has so much emotion in it that you can't just move on. There's no moving on and forgetting this story. It will stick with you for a while.

 And the way it was written, I say, helped set the tone and helped convey the emotion to you in a way that you felt it.

Sabina Khan did a wonderful job on this story and it's one to be proud of. I hope everyone enjoys it as much as I did and can't wait to see whatever one thinks once it's out.

Pre-order: Link
Goodreads: Link

Thursday, January 3, 2019

Field Notes On Love Review

Title: Field Notes On Love
Author: Jeniffer E. Smith
Release Date: March 5, 2019
Age Range: 12 and up
Genre: Contemporary

Stars: 4/5


Having just been dumped by his girlfriend, British-born Hugo is still determined to take his last-hurrah-before-college train trip across the United States. One snag: the companion ticket is already booked under the name of his ex, Margaret Campbell. Nontransferable, no exceptions.

Enter the new Margaret C. (Mae for short), an aspiring filmmaker with big dreams. After finding Hugo's spare ticket offer online, she's convinced it's the perfect opportunity to expand her horizons.

When the two meet, the attraction is undeniable, and both find more than they bargained for. As Mae pushes Hugo to explore his dreams for his future, he'll encourage her to channel a new, vulnerable side of her art. But when life off the train threatens the bubble they've created for themselves, will they manage to keep their love on track?


This book was just what I needed to get out of my reading slump.

It’s a short and fluffy book that still manages to deal with hard topics that teens face as they head into the next step of their lives, college and/or the great unknown.

Field Notes On Love is pretty accurate in describing how I felt with school coming to an end. Do I go to college right away? Or do I take a gap year and discover myself and explore before deciding what I want to do? But Field Notes On Love confronts more than just the big what do I do now questions, it also confronts the realities of being a teen in a large household, (spoiler) the loss of a loved one (end of spoiler) and young love. She hits it all in just a few hundred pages and a one week long trip on a train.

But Jennifer E. Smith does such a wonderful job at portraying the struggles these young adults are going through that you understand and you feel the struggle and the confusion and for some it’s relatable. This book is soft and innocent yet so true to what many teens struggle with.  I wish I had this book when I felt lost on what I should do after high school.

I'm not a fan of insta love because how do you really know a person in such a short time? But Jennifer did an amazing job at writing their relationship and the feelings they're going through. With their skepticism and the two of them helping each other over come the hurdles holding them back, I actually loved it.

It’s sweet and simple but yet impactful to it’s audience.